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You Might be an enabler..

anonymous blog business coach co-dependency coaching codependency enablement enabler google renewed mind strategy Jan 04, 2021

2020.....

AHHHHH.....

I want to start out by saying.... 2020 was an amazing year for us...

I know many people had a different experience..

*lost loved ones..

*lost businesses...

*lost their sobreity...

And please hear my heart.... You have my condolences..

But, I am not one to shrink back and not share my good news, because not everyone had the same experience.

Jesus did a work in my life.. and it started with my mind..

Romans 12:2 says, "do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind". 

That means.... to become new..you have to have a literal dying of your old self...

And it starts in the mind. 
Kingdom minded people live opposite the world. 

When the economy is at it's worst..Kingdom people EXPAND AND LEVEL UP.

If you didn't know, now you know!

One thing 2020 did for me that I am the most grateful for...

Is reveal and UGLY blindspot that I have avoided for a very long time.

When you grow up around addicts..... enablement can be insidious...

Well...most of the time it's insidious. 

And if you don't have coaches and a community of people who love you enough to share these things.....you will continue to do what you have always done, and that is keep your loved ones STUCK. 

I am a master of human behavior. It is almost a must to develop this skill when you are a life and business strategist.

Before I work with someone, I have them take my favorite personality test called GEMS. I learned this from Dani Johnson and I fell in love with how she teaches communication and discovery of who you were created to be.

I am what you call a Sapphire/Ruby.. or somedays, Ruby/Sapphire.

I am someone who says, "ill go"...be willing to die for the cause.... 

Don't really care about what you think, very outspoken, and then I am someone who expresses herself in her laugh, dress, and is usually very animated and out going. 

WE LOVE PEOPLE...

With that being said...there is one personality called a PEARL. 

A pearl is someone who loves to serve.... they don't love to serve so that they can be recognized for serving...it's just a natural thing for them.

Most of the time they are the worst enablers. Pearls are the ones who have that family member or two who they are constantly rescuing.

Always lending money.... Always bailing them out....

Until someone brings it to their attention...they will continue.

But, the truth in that is.....IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU...if you are a pearl...

It makes YOU feel good to SAVE THE DAY, 

The problem is, that person you bail out, will never have to figure anything, therefore they stay where they are....STUCK. 

YOU are part of the problem.

So, here I am...being a sapphire/pearl and noticing these traits in my husband...

Getting frustrated by these traits in my husband...

Only to come to the crashing revelation at the end of 2020 that, I AM THE WORST OF THESE....

I was in denial for a few days....but yep.... I have more pearl in my then i was willing to admit. 

But there was a catch. I am not an enabler in my clients....

I require action of them.... No, me... I was selective in those whom I choose to enable.

Then I realized that the reason it irritated me so much about my husband, is because what you see in other people...that thing that irritates the crap out of you..

Exist in YOU. 

WOW.... see 2020 was amazing...

2020 was all about blindspots.... about hindsight. 

My Mom was always rescuing me in my early childhood.... Like ALWAYS.

I always knew that my Mom would always bail me out...

It wasn't until she couldn't because of the shame I had involving what I needed her to bail me out of.....that I was forced to change. 

So, in 2021.... my new word is FOCUS.

I am focusing on a few things...

Growing my coaching business and identifying the people who I enable and STOP.

I am going to apologize to them, then create reconciliation. 

Next time someone I love calls and ask me to bail them out...

I will first apologize for stunting their progress and then say NO.... Then give them a way to do something different....ie; send them a podcast or a youtube video that will increase them in wisdom and tell them to let me know how they liked it or what they learned. 

That is a good start to restoration. 

Self awareness is key friends....

But the biggest thing is...If i didn't invest in a coach for myself... I would never have seen that blindspot!

So THANK YOU Coach Michelle!!

If you enjoyed this message...please share this!

In His Love and Service,

Coach Rach

www.racheltucker.com

 

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